Fixing my paper


I already wrote an essay about my experience in the US and I just need help to fix my mistakes. And the doctor mentioned everything that are needed in a word file. Please see his comments and I need that after 8 hours.

and this is his comment,

Hey Student.

I’ve attached a word doc with comments. I think this is a very clear and linear essay (good). I think the beginning is a big slow because you are speaking in general terms, and I think structuring the essay to show maybe three or four moments throughout your stay in Seattle (how long were you there? 1 year?) would be an effective demonstration of how you grew to, if not like the city, at least begin to come to terms with being away from home. I left a lot of comments. Most of them are small, but there are two bigger comments. Feel free to ask me to clarify if you’d like.

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