I need somebody to rewrite essay! Must be 5 pages(body) no first page and no reference page, just text. Please Fallow instruction in Perentesis!!!
I will attach my essay
and below in perentesis is teacher’s comments that Have to be fixed!!! Instructions:
This essay takes into consideration “The Zero Meter Diving Team” by Jim Shepard as well as “The Sisters” in James Joyce’s Dubliners (underline or italicize Dubliners. Also, you are announcing what you are doing and
speaking directly to the audience. Don’t do that in a formal essay. It is great that you are introducing both of your subjects. Just do so in a way that doesn’t call to attention the fact that you are writing a paper). These two are short stories written
by great authors, one of whom is well known while the other is not well known in this realm. This essay focuses its light on the analysis of the ideas employed in the two short stories (again, just state your argument rather than announce your purpose). The
authors are very good at sharing their thoughts and making the stories very much related to real life thus ensuring that familiarization is easily arrived at by the end of their short stories. (You need a thesis. Because of this, does Shepard deserve to be
regarded with the acclaim that Joyce gets? If so, say so. If not, state it).
In Jim Shepard’s short story, there are two protagonists, that is, Mikhail and Petya since the story covers a significant portion of the story narrated (You need an arguable topic sentence. Is this paragraph about
characterization? What are you trying to argue about how Shepard crafts characters? Always be sure to begin each paragraph with an arguable topic sentence). Boris too, plays a great role in the story, only that he is the narrator of the story which overshadows
him a bit. Petya is the innocent half-brother when younger whose innocence then loses meaning when he grows older since his actions tell a different story. Taking this into consideration, the father and Mikhail are the antagonists, especially in the case of
having Petya take on their thoughts on him and commands. He is treated differently which then makes him stand out. Later on, he takes on drinking, getting himself thrown in jail and landing odd jobs. The antagonists have a significant impact on the protagonist,
Petya. (This paragraph doesn’t present an argument. It just states facts about the story and retells the plot. What are you trying to argue about the way in which Shepard crafts his characters?)
In “The Sisters”, there are both protagonists and antagonists (Again, you need to set up your argument for this paragraph. All stories have protagonists and antagonists. What are you arguing about Shepard’s ability
to use his?). The protagonist in this short story is the young boy who has been a good friend of Father Flynn until his death. He remembers the conversations that he has had with Father Flynn before, and he also dreams about him. He is a boy who is told off
in the case of having a friendship with people who are not his age, for instance, like with Father Flynn uttered by Old Cotter. The antagonists in the short story are death as well as Old Cotter. Death takes the life of his friend, Father Flynn whom they have
shared conversations of importance before. Old Cotter is an antagonist in the case of telling the young boy that the young should play with people their age as opposed to keeping the company of older adults which does
not sit well with the aunt. (Again, I’m not sure what the argument of these last two paragraphs is. You are still telling me what happens in the stories instead of why. Start with figuring out what you are trying to argue and then putting it in a clear topic
sentence. Then, analyze the text to teach me how to see beyond plot.)
Symbolism has also been used in both short stories (Is it used particularly well in Shepard’s case? How so? Make your argument more pronounces). In the short story of Jim Shepard, symbolism comes to the surface where
Petya knows the mother to be his only protector. Unfortunately, the mother passes away which greatly affects him and the life he lives after death. The death of his mother leaves him without protection from his mother, especially where the father and half-brother,
Mikhail take advantage of him once in a while, being the youngest sibling. On the death of the mother, Boris was left to provide some protection to both Mikhail, where both Mikhail and Petya would suck their thumbs (Up to this point, you haven’t shown any
symbolism). In the short story “The Sisters”, the two lit candles on the coffin would symbolize the death of Father Flynn, which is what the young boy waited upon to know about the timing of the death of his friend. It was a symbolism of losing an important
person from his life, leaving him behind without a person to share conversations with (Show the text. Demonstrate how the candles represent the death of Father Flynn and teach me how to see the text in a way that highlights Shepard’s use of symbolism. A
lot of this paragraph does not deal with the symbolism at all. Focus on those candles and the words that Shepard uses to convey a more subtle meaning).
In the case of Jim Shepard’s short story, there is the theme of change of power (This isn’t a theme. It is a concept. Themes are always messages. What is Shepard teaching me about power?). This comes up in the case
of the father to the boys holding on to the importance of his son, Mikhail as opposed to the little half-brother, Petya. He holds Mikhail with higher regard than Petya. Petya is asked to give his food (potatoes) to his older half-brother, who is two years
ahead of him. This is the wrong use of power since the younger son may feel left out and unimportant as compared to Mikhail. On this note, the change of power comes in where Mikhail now holds power to control the direction of Petya’s life since his life does
not turn out to be as promising as that os the brothers. This scenario also employs the theme of contrast. It is expected that the younger child is treated much better or is not mistreated at all while the older brother may be the one who is
responsible for the younger child. In this short story, however, things happen oppositely, with the older son receiving special treatment as compared to the younger son (You need to use Shepard’s language in this paragraph.
You tell me what happens, but you don’t show me the language that Shepard employs to help direct my understanding of this power situation. How do Shepard’s thoughts about power come across in the story? Show me the words that convey his meaning even when
he does not come out and directly tell me what to think).
In the case of “The Sisters” (When you transition over to this story, it might be useful to bring up Joyce’s name. It is only now that I realize that you have been switching back and forth. I may have written Shepard
in some paragraphs where I mean, I realize now, Joyce), the theme of power also comes out (again, power is a concept. What is Joyce teaching me about power? What is his message about power?). It surfaces in the case of Old Cotter commenting on the friendship
that Father Flynn shared with the young boy while still alive. He mentions that young kids should play with people their age as opposed to making friends with people who are past their ages. On this comment, the young boy’s uncle also agrees to the comment
with the aunt needing to understand the reasoning behind the comment (Shepard, 98-101) (First of all, NEVER include a comma in an MLA in-text citation. Also, you don’t need a citation here. You only need them when you include the author’s actual words. However,
that is what is missing throughout this essay. In every body paragraph, you need to go back and use the authors’ words to SHOW me how to see what you have been seeing). However, Old Cotter fails to clarify his point. On this note, Old Cotter has power in
words he utters to the boy’s uncle who then agrees with the ideas put across. He also holds power in not clarifying the point which the aunt needs clarification on which then ends with the Old Cotter not focusing on it at all. It is also contrasting that neither
the uncle nor aunt of the boy make this comment but a friend of the uncle’s (Ok, so go find Joyce’s words that help shape how I understand power as a result of reading this story. You are showing an example of power, but so what? What is Joyce leading me
to believe about this? This is where your job lies: to teach me how to read between the lines and understand this conversation).
There is a theme of loss of innocence in both short stories (again, what are the authors teaching us about loss of innocence?). In Jim Shepard’s short story, for instance, Petya is known as the youngest in the family
who is taken advantage of by the father and the half-brother, Mikhail through making jokes that may not be that funny to him and commenting without caring about what goes through his mind. After he is grown up, he does not live up to the innocence he held
when younger (comma splice), instead (comma) he is heard having gotten himself into trouble in various cases. Some of these circumstances are landing odd jobs, being a drunkard and getting himself getting thrown in jail, things that one would not expect of
a person who has been thought of as innocent in the early years. This is saddening since he loses his innocent mostly based on the treatment he receives while growing up, by his father and half-brother, Mikhail. (What is Joyce teaching us about a loss of innocence?
You aren’t quoting the authors. Tetiana, my job is entirely based on assessing how well students are taking these authors’ words and see more than is written on the page. You have to do this in every paragraph. If you don’t, what am I left with to assess?)
The loss of innocence in “The Sisters” surfaces in the case of the reputation of Father Flynn (Yes, but what is Joyce teaching us about loss of innocence?). The young boy remembers him as someone who taught him a lot
on matters to do with church
rituals and a person’s spirituality. Father Flynn was his teacher, an individual who holds an important place in one’s life given the growth in knowledge that one gets to experience. The sisters to Father Flynn, however,
change the young boy’s mental image given the information they share about the mentally unstable state of Father Flynn, given the times he was found laughing alone. The young boy may have thought of Father Flynn as this innocent person who shared about things
to do with the church only to turn out to be one who could not be trusted because of how he behaved before his passing. (Why does Joyce portray him thusly? Use Joyce’s words to reveal his hidden attitude about this. Again, I can’t do my job unless you bring
Joyce’s words into these paragraphs and then teach me how to see them in a new way).
In conclusion, the short stories by these authors are easy to understand and are interesting too. The interest helps with keeping the readers glued to a point of understanding the purpose of the writing and drive behind
them (This is what you have to reveal). They are reflections of things happening in real life or those imagined to happen in real life for the sake of familiarization with the readers who then may or may not critique the writing. They also open the mind of
the readers to help them see beyond the characters used as well as the stylistic devices applied to help widen the depth of knowledge of the readers. There could be growth stemming from such short stories which are meant either to grow the life of the individual
in general or to grow their knowledge about various topics. The reading one engages in plays a huge role in the life this person may end up living as well as the interactions in life with various people. The short stories are, therefore, growth tools of some
sort causing different impacts to different people. Both stories are the same level of quality and both authors are great (Ok, there is your thesis. Reveal it at the end of your introduction).
(Right now, you lack textual support in your paragraphs. There are no direct quotes in any of these paragraphs. That is what I assess. You have to go back and use the
authors’ words in every paragraph. Find the ambiguous language that can be interpreted in different ways and then show me how to see those quotes in a way that supports your claims.
0 comments